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My Toddler's Behavior is Out of Control. Do We Need to Get Them Tested?

behavior conscious parenting emotional regulation parenting
Boy taking a test, assessment of boy

I raised a challenging child with big, loud, audacious behaviors. Think puddle on the floor, screaming meltdowns that often went on for 30 or 40 minutes until she expelled her dysregulated energy, then – then popped right back up and reengaged with me, like nothing ever happened.

Big feelings have always existed in little kids. Some kids have more than others. But here's the truth. 


Behavior is just communication. 


It's your child’s way of communicating that there is an expectation that they cannot currently meet. 


And the only way that they can communicate it to you is through their state of being: their body, their behaviors, their voice, their anger, their frustration, their overwhelm.


Because for your little people it's all a sensory experience. And so they throw it back to you as one.


My girl had two very clear states of being. 

Calm and in control, regulated in our moment, connected. 

Or, totally out of control, loud, angry, throwing things, crying, screaming, very dysregulated, entirely disconnected.

Because she spent far more time in the latter, I requested a behavioral assessment. You know what I learned? 


We didn't need it. What SHE needed was for me to show up in a different way. 


She needed me to engage in a different way. 

She needed me to hold space for her in a different way.


To give her the opportunities to practice being in spaces that felt uncomfortable so she could then master her state of being inside those spaces.

This was 15 years ago. Long before pandemic parenting forever changed our world.

Here's the truth mamas. Your pandemic babies and toddlers are now preschoolers and kindergarteners. They did not have enough opportunity to practice the skills that schools are expecting of them.

And so, we are seeing a slew of behavior assessment referrals. But, please know this.

It's not because your child is bad. It's not because you did anything wrong. You are amazing. And so are they. 

It's because they are communicating through their behaviors that they cannot currently meet the expectations. 

When the world’s expectations do not change, but your child had limited opportunities to learn and master those milestones and skills is when behaviors emerge.

If you ‘get this’ but everyday just feels like it’s getting harder, schedule a complimentary connection call with me to see if we’re a good fit to work together to help you and your little reconnect and regulate.


Listen to the full podcast episode My Toddler's Behavior is Out of Control. Do We Need to Get Them Tested? to hear more about behavior assessments for our little ones. 

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